This post is reserved for my trip to Prague and Tallinn in October 2021 (Before my trip to Norway – d’oh) to watch two Wales football matches, when I can be arsed to finish it.

Thanks for visiting! I’ve decided to change the format of my posts a bit to avoid me babbling on about nothing (too much!).

Overview

Oslo is the capital city of Norway. Famous for vikings, polar exploration, fjords and Ole Gunner Solskjaer, the country has vast oil reserves, massive coastline and good standard of living, it is right up there with the most expensive places to visit in Europe. As a real tight-arse, the cost of things will turn up many times throughout the post!

Norway is not part of the EU but does make up the Shengen area that allows free travel across borders. A direct flight from the UK would take about 2.5 hours, although we went via Amsterdam.

We stayed in the Anker hotel, about a 15 minute walk from the main train station. It was a great location next to a long park/river and included the best breakfast buffet I have had. I dread to think how much smoked salmon they get through, although I was quite happy with a more British selection. Our room was quite basic but perfect for us. Others may be disappointed with a lack of cupboards or safe. Hotel on booking.com link.

Getting around

From the airport into the city, you can get a “Flytoget” express train £35 return or the normal train for £15. I recommend the normal train as it only takes 5 minutes longer.

Once you’re in the city, you have a plethora of travel options, but most sights to see are within walking distance. One ticket can cover the metro, tram and buses that turn up every few minutes during the day, and even the public transport boats. You don’t even need to time your travels they are so regular. A 24-hour ticket will set you back about a tenner, but considering a single ticket is £4, it’s worth getting. They also do longer periods for additional savings.

A few people mentioned the Northern Lights to me. Norway is a large country with Oslo being towards the south. The Northern Lights are best viewed further north. Trondheim I think is the biggest area but don’t actually know if that’s an accurate suggestion to view them. Domestic flights are considerably cheap if you wanted to research an excursion from Oslo.

It was not as cold as we expected. Think November UK weather. It was supposed to rain all week but miraculously we didn’t get caught up in any in Oslo.

Things to do

I will cover a lot of the sights in the itenerary below. If you want just a city break I reckon 2-3 days will be enough. Longer if you wish to soak up the nightlife or spend hours people watching from cafés.

Worth noting that when we went (late October) it was not the best time to visit. The brief summer season from May to September had passed and a lot of tourism activites either close or run reduced offerings. Notable omissions from our itinerary includes a ferry tour of the fjords and the viking museum, that is being rebuilt until 2025. We definitely would have done both if available. Missing the fjord tour was a shame.

Costs

I don’t know if I have been looking forward to this section or dreading it! Being a tourist in Norway is not cheap. A lot of the hospitality sector is taxed at 25% and has a minimum wage of an incredible £14.50 per hour!

Five days from Bristol to Oslo using KLM cost around £1,500 for the two of us. Flights £150 each gladly avoiding Ryanair, and our decent hotel about the same. We spent £40 each on a train to Lillehammer and £60 each to Bergen. In addition to this we spent £550 over the five days. Total with two PCR tests at £68 each have made up our estimate.

You need to expect to pay around double for things compared to the UK. Some examples:

– £3.50 for a 500ml bottle of coke. Water is dearer!?!
– £10 standard McDonalds meal
– £12 for a footlong subway meal
– Upwards of £25 for a basic restaurant main course
– £3 for a chocolate bar

What we did

Day one – Oslo

Arrived at Oslo S central train station around 1pm and walked to hotel. Researched public transport and visited the royal palace. You couldn’t go in. We arrived during the changing or the guard or something, but this took forever.

After lunch walked to Oslo cathedral via parliament. As far as cathedrals go, it didn’t have a lot of ‘bling’. I found the fabric ceiling art interesting. It was showing signs of wear and I wondered how difficult it will be to restore when the time comes.

General walk around town. Instead of going back to hotel earlier than planned, decided to visit a waterfall along the river Akerselva that passes our hotel. Strange seeing a waterfall in a suburb but welcomed. Had a pleasant stroll through the riverside park back to hotel.

In the evening we headed to Akershus fortress. It was dark at this point and the dimly lit cobbled streets around the fortress were less than ideal. Any buildings of interest were now closed but I think it would be worth a visit in the day. Had a quick £30 McDonald’s for tea.

Day two – Oslo

The first of our delightful (and more importantly free) breakfasts in the hotel.

Visited the harbour and took the public boat that runs all year round to five nearby islands. These vary in terms of the amount of people who live there but great for photos especially across the Oslo waterfront. We disembarked at the foresty Hovedøya and had a walk around for an hour before catching the next boat back. The moon still in the sky!

We wanted to visit the Nobel building by the harbour (a la the Peace Prize) but closed until the weekend. I’ll visit again for my award for services to travel blogging in a few years no doubt.

Had a choice of museums to visit and decided on the Folk museum. Very similar to St Fagans with their examples of housing through the ages and and old church. The exhibition of Norway from 1600 to the 1900’s was ok, I’ve never been good with museums etc as I always feel in a rush. In hindsight I think the “Fram” museum would have been a better choice which looks at the history of Norway’s polar exploration.

Should probably mention today was Mikayla’s birthday!! It was difficult to bring presents on a flight so instead bought us a week in Lisbon next year. She’s a lucky girl I know. And another crap blog for you!

Next up was Frogner park, that features a sight-to-see “angry boy” statue among another 200+ human sculptures all made by Gustav Vigeland, so the place is sometimes referred to as Vigelenparken. Every single one of the sculptures naked. It was quite a bizarre walk up to the “Manolitten” plinth. There’s undoubtedly a story about family/life struggles and successes to be told about the artwork, one which everyone may have a different perspective on.

The story about the park history and the sculptures is a good side-read. Here’s the Wikipedia page.

After a quick pit stop at the hotel, visited the national ballet and opera house. It was cool that you could actually walk up to the roof, albeit questioning how the random steps at the viewing platform passed health and safety.

Went for an all you can eat Chinese for tea. Weird you had to put the raw meat and veg on your plate before giving it to the chef to took. Flesh everywhere. At £63 including two cokes it was cheap for a restaurant. I clocked half a lager at £7. Yikes! They had to feed their koi carp somehow I guess.

Day three – Lillehammer

Have you heard of Lillehammer? It’s about a two hour train from Oslo, and probably the only reason we chose Norway. Apart from hosting the winter Olympics in 1994, the town is also famous for the setting of unofficial Sopranos spin-off “Lilyhammer”. I watched this earlier in the year, googled the area, and the rest is history.

Again avoiding any wet weather, we arrived in Lillehammer in sunshine and started the walk to the artificial ski jumping arena, where the opening ceremony of the ’94 Olympics took place. Previously sourced images made me expect panoramic views at the top, but this wasn’t the case.

From the station we walked 2km uphill, rather horrible when unexpected, and in the middle of nowhere too. Once finally arrived the expected views were masked by clouds or fog.

You can get to the top of ski jump if you take the cable car (not operating) or 936 steps. I was prepared to walk those steps but it would have been stupid (in my unfit state) to do that with no rewarding views at the end. Still, the first Olympic ski jump venue I’ve visited!

The walk back in to town was a lot more pleasant as I told Instagram my tale of disappointment at the ski-jump. If we weren’t in such a rush I would’ve liked to have a closer look at the woods with the river crashing downhill with us.

I had researched a few locations from the TV series and was pleased to visit the nightclub, high street, church and lake-crossing bridge that featured in the show, either side of a £7.20 ham salad sandwich.

I now know that VERY few people have actually watched Lilyhammer, so didn’t have a clue what I was going on about!! If you enjoyed the Sopranos it’s definitely worth a watch. When first aired, a sixth of the Norwegian population watched it.

18,000 steps in under 4 hours and we still got back to Oslo by 4pm.

That evening we didn’t do much apart from jump on a few buses to visit the national football stadium. We walked right past it before noticing the building with offices and shops was actually part of one stand! It’ll be a really tough decision as to whether I’d visit here for the football and the obligatory 20 match day beers.

We had an absolute bargain for tea in the shape of 7-Eleven hotdogs. Just three quid each… So £9 for me but much more enjoyable than a McDonald’s or something costing at least double.

Day Four – train to Bergen

Today we were up before dawn for breakfast to catch a 7 hour train to Bergen. Why would anyone want to go on a train that long? Well, I seen a few articles describing the journey as one of the best train rides in the world.

For about £60 each, the train rises to over 1,200m, higher than Snowdon, passing 22 stations, most of which are in the remotest of remote arears before ending up near the west cost of the country. There is a really good blog on the Lonely Planet site here that tells you a bit more about the ride… I’ll just leave a few photo’s.

I did fall asleep for a few hours but managed to see the best bits including the highest station Finse, precisely 1,222.2m above sea level. The downhill half was the one to stay awake for, not only seeing mostly untouched nature, waterfalls and the greenest of rivers, bit to also admire the sheer effort it must have taken to build the track digging through countless mountains.

It was a bloody good experience. Was it better than a train through the Alps? I’m not sure, so try both!

Arrived in Bergen around 4pm for our first encounter with rain. This completely ruined the rest of the day. I couldn’t understand how we were so under prepared for rain, having expected it to piss down all week.

We visited Bryggen, which is a set of houses along the harbour that are among the earliest in the area following several large fires since 1702.

This was a little underwhelming for a UNESCO world heritage site, considering the weather and the fact one was a facade for a Radisson Blu hotel!

By the time we walked a little to Bergen castle with our £1 umbrellas already broken, we weren’t really in the mood for a wander around the park and buildings.

One of the top attractions to visit in Bergen is the funicular that traverses to the top of one of seven hills/mountains surrounding the city. Like much of Norway after summer season, this was also closed for refurbishment.

Thankfully (I say that ironically) there was also a cable car in operation that would take us to the top of the biggest mountain Ulriken.

It took a bus across the city and a 25 minute uphill walk before reaching the cable car housing. A lady setting up balloons for a birthday party was a bit shocked to see a tourist, we were probably the only ones that day!

Checking we were allowed on, we coughed up THIRTY QUID EACH for the 10 minute return ride. Now £30 is a lot for anything similar even in Norway, so when we were greeted with our ‘panoramic view’ at the top I knew Bergen had defeated us. Cold, wet and without food for 12 hours. Bleak.

I’ll happily rush through our trip in to town, to the airport (when it finally stopped raining) for our 55 minute flight back to Oslo. With another hotdog (two hotdogs).

We did top off the night with a comforting kebab shop dinner. The only thing more surprising than the cost being that Norwegians love sweetcorn on their Shawarma. I think it worked.

Day 5 – Amsterdam

Getting to bed at 2am and a miserable morning outside dispelled any intentions of another stroll along the river before we checked out.

The biggest question today was whether we were allowed in to Amsterdam for our eight hour layover. According to the government we were good to visit from Norway, and there was nothing to suggest us only being there for 5 days from the UK was an issue. Had we visited from the UK, we would have needed a PCR test. I think we probably weren’t allowed in… but ask me no questions I’ll tell you no lies.

We’ve been to Amsterdam twice now and both times for only a matter of hours. I think it’s quite a good place for a layover especially if you’re sober and not wanting to indulge in any plant based product.

On this occasion we had a walk along the canals* up to Dam Square, lunch on to the flower market and a walk back with some calorific churros. I can see why there isn’t a market for escooters here as your life is perfectly at risk with the cyclists!

* Canal walk did involve actively looking for the red light district. I couldn’t believe it is where it is, so central, and last time must have walked past a few places without noticing! This time however, one alley in particular, I was treated to an eyeful (but don’t take photo’s, the one below was closed!)

We didn’t have any money left, anyway…

The last leg of the trip getting home went without incident. A bloody good effort of I say so myself.

If you told me eighteen months ago that I would have to travel three hours across Wales, I would have thought it was for a chore rather than a holiday. Becuase Covid put a stop to my usual travel jaunts, one night in west Wales was ultimately something to look forward to, albeit with no airport floor sleeping and duty-free tobacco.

Since my last holiday to Athens in February 2020, I had missed out on trips to Rotterdam, Helsinki, Dublin, Sofia, France, Belgium, Rome, potentially Azerbaijan… and that’s without any non-football trips.

Aberystwyth was initially booked as a Christmas gift for Mikayla to visit in February, but our hotel was swiftly cancelled early into the new year, so we instead gambled on a weekend in July. I called it a gamble just in case I would have to instead attend Wales in the Euro2020 final, but that wasn’t to be.

We set off from Newport early on Saturday morning with Google telling us it will take 2.5-3 hours to arrive. This doesn’t account for stopping, getting caught behind a tractor or, even worse, someone doing 30mph on a 60 road. Those people driving so “safe” it’s dangerous.

We travelled through the Brecon Beacons, curving around Pen y Fan and a few quaint village towns including Llandovery and Lampeter and had a decent run, but I would still allow 4 hours for the journey to be safe. We arrived an hour before lunch and headed to Aberystwyth castle as planned. There’s not a lot left of the castle (bit rich coming from a Newportonian), but the area sits in a green field with a large play area, mini golf and panoramic views out to the Irish Sea. Although the actual castle remains are minimal, it’s a good open space. At this point, looking out to the horizon with that salty smell/taste in the air, it actually felt like a holiday!

After a leisurely stroll through the small town centre, we had our hearts set on fish and chips and were not disappointed by a friend’s recommendation (The Chip Box 4). Sitting on a promenade bench seemed like a good idea, but after two minutes we were joined by militant seagulls staring at us in the hope of sharing. Although very discomforting, share I did not.

Walking off the food, we ambled to the other end of the promenade where Constitution Hill stands, towering over the relatively flat rest of the town centre. As we got closer our aspirations of walking up soon faded as there was an option to use a funicular, which is a kind of a mountain railway operated by cables with ascending and descending cars counterbalanced.

Now one simply does not refuse a ride on such method of transport, even though this was wooden, slow and creaking, but safe. On a side note, I am led to believe that the funicular I visited in Zagreb was one of the shortest in the world. We thought of the rather pointless one in Ebbw Vale, which can’t be much longer. If anyone with more enthusiasm wishes to check this, be my guest.

Given the views offered at the top of the hill, I certainly consider it a must do if you visit. There’s a cafe on the top and you can join the walking route along the coast. I think I read somewhere that Wales is the only country in the world that has a continuous coastal path around its full water border. In any case, it’s longer than coastal paths belonging to Switzerland, Lesotho and Paraguay (in fairness they don’t have a coast, muahahaha).

To prove that we weren’t THAT lazy, we did indeed walk back down from the hill after a quick drinks break. Once on the flat we were now able to check in to our hotel. I must suggest staying in one of the local hotels in the area but given the consumer aspect of rearranging/refunding and an unlimited breakfast we stayed in the Premier Inn. Given that we were ahead of schedule we were able to have a few hours in the hotel before heading out for tea.

We did intend to visit the National Library of Wales at this point, but unfortunately the exhibitions were still due closed due to Covid, and only pre-booked students could enter the premises. Considering this was one of the initial main reasons for visiting this was disappointing. Nevertheless we did pay a quick visit in the car for a few photos and a nice view of the town – I even caught a glimpse of Aberystwyth Town FC playing a pre-season friendly in the distance (probably not worth a mention but hey-ho).

Wanting to make an occasion out of our very short trip, we booked in to one of the highest recommended places in the town, a Mediterranean restaurant called Medina. It was delicious to us, but I can’t quite tell you how good it was, as we’re just not that used to enjoying nice food! I highly recommend the spiced sea bream fillet and whatever Kay had off the specials board, with a side of posh chips (cumin potatoes FFS) and a breadbasket with olive oils.

With the night still young we made a quick visit to the pier and found the most expensive-looking outlet for an ice-cream to walk along the front (half eaten in the photo, I’m not a professional remember…). It was only at this point I remembered another recommendation from a friend. I “needed” to kick some barrier to bring me good luck. With the possibility of England winning a major championship the next day, there was no way that I was going to pass this up. After having difficulty finding the exact location of said indistinct rail, we walked ALLLL the way along the beach to Constitution Hill and started kicking random metal bars.

We would have looked like complete lunatics, but to be saved by a bloke having a jog who had a delicate clip on one before turning around and getting on with life. Not only did kicking this bar bring the desired luck (football’s going Rome etc) but we were also caught by the setting sun starting to disappear over the horizon. Two hundred photos later, the day was complete.

The next day…

Not many things get me out of bed at 6:45 on a Sunday morning, but the prospect of an unlimited breakfast ticked the box. To no-one’s surprise being the first to be seated, I speedily greedily ordered my 3 sausage, 3 bacon, 3 hash brown, mushrooms, beans, tomato and toast. Disappointed by the portion size of the unquantifiable options, this turned out to be one of two courses! Table service all-you-can-eat just isn’t the same (backed up by the Harvester salad bar and Toby Carvery roast since then!).

Already clock-watching to ensure I had time to get back and have a few pints before the Euro2020 final kicked off, we left the hotel and headed out of town to our first EVER escape room located at the Silver Mountain Experience, about a 20-minute journey based in Llywernog. We didn’t expect it to be this far out so glad we had the car. Ultimate Xscape Aberystwyth is just one thing to at the location, given its name by the silver-lead mine that you can also visit. Being our first game, I couldn’t tell you how easy/difficult the “diamond heist” escape room was, but it was challenging and thoroughly enjoyable. We managed to escape with about 20 seconds remaining, so will look to improve on that when we undoubtedly visit more (The one in Newport is yet to reopen after Covid, however I was surprised to see Cardiff have about 5 different companies all offering multiple adventures!).

For our last port of call, thankfully on the way home, we visited Devils Bridge, a small area crossing the river Mynach. In addition to a steam rail and a nature walk, the main attraction is the “three bridges” bridge that crosses the waterfalls. There are actually three bridges built on top of each other! This blatantly stolen from Wikipedia will explain:

The most recently built, in 1901, is an iron bridge which was erected above the older arches. The original bridge is medieval and the second one, a stone structure, built in 1753 and upgraded in 1777 and in 1814, was erected when the original bridge was thought to be unstable.

There you go. Please do visit the website for a lot more interesting information about the area! As the weather started to turn, we decided on the quickest walk, a user-friendly ten-minute stair climb to the “punchbowl” to get up close to the waterfalls and a decent photo of the bridges. There was plenty of parking a nice restaurant nearby and undoubtedly numerous caravan parks.

So, there we have it, not the most-productive second day in the area, having visited the waterfalls after midday we still made it back (and therefore to the pub) before teatime! Thanks for reading.

So, it has been over a year since my last blog-worthy post, but you’d forgive me in the current circumstances. Covid 19 has prevented me attending football games in Rotterdam, Rome, Helsinki, Sofia, Dublin and Brussels, not forgetting the odd holiday I would have enjoyed!

Now we are coming out of lockdown, I felt it neccesary to try and get out a little bit, primarily because a week before the pubs reopened I had zero shorts that would fit! Thankfully some healthier people on the socials were making the most of the nice weather and provided inspiration to go visit some waterfalls!

I had never heard of a section at the Brecon Beacons named “waterfall country” before, nor was it such a popular site in this area of Wales, at least to my limited knowledge. After a bit of research and a surprisingly early wake up one Sunday morning, I was on my way.

You can see below that my trip was broken up in to two visits (you’ll see why) but seeing everything in one day is very possible if you are slightly more prepared.

Waterfalls 1-3

For my first visit, I followed directions given from the Natural Resources Wales website and headed to the Gwaun Hepste car park to the north of the falls. From Newport this should take about an hour passing through Ystrad Mynach and alongside Merthyr. Shortly before you arrive you will glance past Penderyn and the world reknowned whiskey distillery. Of course this was closed for visitors at this time, but a good idea to combine a stop here as I guess they do tours.

Fun fact: I have only ever tried Penderyn whiskey once… Colorado USA, deep in the Rocky mountains, at the hotel bar that gave Stephen King the inspiration for The Shining!

After the distillery you’ll soon break away from the main road down a concerning narrow lane, but the car park turning is well signposted. Arriving around 10:30am the spaces were filling up a bit but it was a big area with rangers on hand to point you to your spot. Parking cost a fiver which felt a bit steep but well worth it taking in to account you are now in the middle of nowhere, portaloos are hired and there was even a little coffee hut… and it’ll be cheaper than my first two pints when the pub’s open!

After a quick chat with the lady in the information booth, she confirmed the full loop to see all 4 falls would take 4-5 hours, and if you haven’t got that long, a visit to the most popular falls will take about 2.5 hours. As I left on a whim I didn’t expect to be out all day, so planned to just visit the best one and return. Down the path and turn left at the crossroads. Easy.

Wrong in thinking that this waypoint would be a few minutes away, it took a good half hour downhill hike to reach the crossroads, it being obvious that I would have to then walk back up hill some time later that day. A leg break crossed my mind but there didn’t seem to be the opportunity to land a rescue helicopter!

At the crossroads your options are to go to my car park, another car park further north (but the same distance I would guess), my intended waterfall left for an hour walk, or another waterfall just two minutes away. I thought to myself “well, now I’m here…” it would be daft not to visit the first falls – Sgwd Clun-Gwyn.

If you look at the map posted previously, you will see the red loop has generally a comfortable walking route, but anything on the green route expect to cross large rocks and climb some hills!

Sgwd Clun-Gwyn is viewable from up high, and you can hear it before you see it! Although impressive I can see why this was the lesser popular of the group, being tricky to get a great photo and no chance of a swim. You can somehow get to the other side that involves a detour to get right up close – but I didn’t entertain this. I guess it would be a 20-30 minute detour.

Now I had a choice to make, revisit the crossroads and go to fall 4 as intended, or complete the set knowing I’d regret it otherwise.

I thought about how many hours I have spent at home this last year either working or with nowhere to go and I pretty much had my answer. This was amplified by my ability to traverse across the difficult pathways. There was a worrying three month spell at the end of 2020 I had real issues with my feet and couldn’t even use the upstairs loo in the pub at the time. There were times when I wondered if I would ever be able to do something like this again, so THIS WAS LIBERATING. Think Forrest Gump breaking his leg braces off!

The walk to falls 2 and 3 was quite pleasant now I was in my stride – after the initial “it can’t be that way surely?” contemplation. The path slithered through more open spaces, relatively flat, offering views for miles. This was well and evenly signposted to track progress without constantly needing to refer to the photo I took of the map. Phone signal now was nil.

I would say it took a good half an hour to reach the point to break off and see falls 2 and 3. A sign post told me that to get to the falls it would be a 90 metre trek down and then back up that would take most people 20 minutes but me probably twice as long uphill especially, with rocky areas and (giant) steps to test the knees.

I pondered a bit longer this time. Another hour added on to the day for the daunting detour, or should I just continue on to the highlight, the social media money shot. Only a few minutes before did I think of writing about my day, so it would be a bit of a shit blog had I skipped it!?

After a mini pep talk and going over my thoughts that got me this far, six months ago I had to go upstairs in the house on my hands and knees FFS. I soon climbed down, with each step cringing at the thought of not only having to walk back soon, but that massive hill to get back to the car park. Will it be worth it?

Yes. Once finding the stream at the bottom of the hill you were treated with falls 2 AND 3. Double Bubble. To the left was falls 2 – Sqwd Isaf Clun-Gwynn – another ten minute walk but flat. These falls were broken up in to three sections of different sizes before quickly calming down in to the river. I actually found these to be the most photographic.

Falls number 3 – Sgwd y Pannwr was the other end of the point where you walk down but only 20 metres or so. This was quite impressive, being able to see the gentle stream drop off the edge and crash in to the pool below. A short walk from the path allowed a rocky beach area where a few people had settled, popping in for a swim and a better photo angle. I guess for frequent visitors this may be their favourite of the four falls. It’s rewarding to visit, swim-able and always going to be less folk around than the last one on my list.

I decided to have a rest here, as most people had done so to break out the picnic. I could have devoured a refuelling sandwich at this point, but in its absence I settled with a ciggy and a big swig of water. I had better walk back up at some point…

The hike back up the hill to the circular route wasn’t quite as tedious as I envisaged, but did require a few stops and drink breaks. I was confident in telling visitors at the top who were considering a jaunt that it was indeed well worth the effort.

Three down, one to go. The hardest part done, surely…

The shortish (10-15 minute) walk from falls 2 and 3 to number 4 was flat enough to enjoy and recuperate, but as I approached the sign post signalling the way for the last waterfall I felt significant unease. The sign told me to expect another deep return trip of 100 metres this time. I had already walked some distance in comparison to the past three months combined, I had half of my 500ml water left and literally miles away from the car, which was predominately up hill.

This time my drive and desire was sensibly beaten by the fact I would need more drink. Inevitably I felt a bit disappointed, lazy arguably, but I always ensure I have enough fluid to hand and didn’t want to imagine the walk back without. Could I ask someone for some of theirs? Should I have a swig from the river? Sure I wouldn’t have died, but I did want to enjoy myself too!

I continued on the loop towards base, assured that common sense prevailed over bottling it (not bottling enough more like) and indeed it was the sensible decision. By the time I reached the crossroads after 30 minutes, I had exhausted my water and still had 40 minutes to get back up to the car. This was inevitable but still HORRIBLE, and a lot of people passing I think agreed!

I eventually got back to the car, picking up more energy the closer I became, and seen off a half empty bottle I found in the back seat that could have been there for months! Having had over an hour to deal with my disappointment, I determined that I could always visit again, in the knowledge that the one I missed will be the best. I was also intrigued by some other paths noticed on the map, maybe I could take another route?

Sod it, I’ll get up stupid early on Saturday and finish it off.

And that I did!

Waterfall 4 – Sgwd yr Eira

As soon as I got home last week I looked in to a potential car park south of the trail, hopefully closer to my missing piece. Google advised the Dinas Rock car park, near Glynneath. I could only hope it was a little more flat but still challenging enough to not cheat and do it the easy way.

After a bit of guess work with the satnav I parked up (free!) by 8:30am and apart from a few cyclists getting ready for a ride somewhere, was the only other car. I should say here that none of the falls are suitable for cyclists. C’est impossible.

As you can see from the car park photo, Dinas Rock itself is a bit of an attraction, and from here there is an alternative “gunpowder trail” walk towards a former gunpowder works, and a more accessible 20 minute dawdle to the cascading river, both of which I would have liked to include if I didn’t need to be back home by early afternoon.

Again my trail was well signposted and marked, but having to walk up the side of Dinas Rock was no way to start! The limestone cliff so steep here they’ve stuck in a handrail. A rare sight indeed.

Not yet regretting my plan, the rest of the one hour walk was mainly smooth with a few small inclines. This route is a lot more open to appreciate the rolling hills of the Brecon Beacons and you have a good view of the Sugar Loaf in the distance for a good few minutes. I found it remarkable that I had full phone signal for 90% of the journey, having had none whatsoever last week. It was also a lot quieter with people. I did not see ANYONE on the way!

As expected, the fondly forgiving trail soon presented a sign post that told me I was near and to expect another long climb down. This was 100 metres and although only took ten minutes, I can only describe it as dangerous, with even the manmade steps being 15 inches or so. With the impact of 20-plus stone squeezing down on them my knees were at one point causing significant concern, but there was no going back now. With the pain subsiding, I turned the final corner to be greeted with fall 4 – Sgwd yr Eira.

Half-past nine wasn’t exactly early but noting that it takes an hour plus to get here I was one of only three others. Perfect time to get some photos and la creme de la creme, the walk behind the falls!

I had read some other blogs that mentioned “some” had foolishly tried to walk underneath the falls which in trueness was a bit strange. Having put your life on the line crossing boulders to reach this point, the area behind the fall was flat and not slippery at all, with plenty of space to pass others.

Obviously after last week’s error of judgement with food and drink intake, I had loads of water and wasn’t hungry! Yet I found a place to sit and admire the view, popped my feet in the freezing water and forced down a chicken wrap, admiring a group of lads who braved the cold waters – it was plenty deep enough to swim – until they soon jumped back out to warm up and have their deserved bottle of beer.

So, mission accomplished. By the time I left around 10:30 there must have been around eighty plus people present. Now to climb back up that 100 metres with a concerning knee, an hour back to the car, with a deadline to get back to Newport.

To top the day off, after that initial climb the rest of the walk back was really pleasant. Those slight hills I cursed going up previously were enjoyable to descend, and the phone signal meant I could listen to the days football build up. I am genuinely pleased I needed two visits.

Some tips if you decide to visit yourself:

• Bring plenty of water (obvious unless you’re me)
• Decent footwear is a must. I saw one lady in flipflops and couldn’t get my head around how she still had a full set of unbroken bones.
• Have a picnic at falls 2 and 3, but bear in mind you’ll still have some way to go!
• Sgwd y Pannwr is the best for a swim I reckon
  Consider your car park. The websites will suggest the paid car parks but the walk back to the Gwaun Hepste was horrid. There’s no close one, I just found the trek back to Dinas Rock more… happy.
• I visited after a week of NO rain in South Wales. It’s a dangerous terrain as it is, I cannot imagine it in poor weather.
• If you are driving back to Newport or Cardiff after, there’s a KFC and McDonalds just off the A-road when you get to Merthyr. Treat yourself; you deserve it!

The only task left to complete now, I thought was to finally write a rubbish blog, whilst finishing off any left over beer in the house before the pubs reopen Monday. And that is what I’m doing!

Thanks for reading 🙂

Rarely have we felt such worry an evening before a trip away. We were notified early on Saturday morning that easyJet had cancelled all 30+ flights on that day from Bristol airport due to Storm Dennis. With the weather reports forecasting even worse conditions on the Sunday we spent all day checking to see if our flight and therefore holiday would be cancelled.

Even once we had set off for the airport at 2am I reserved confidence until finally our flight boarded to the Greek capital – Athens.

Day one.

I’m not usually one to appreciate the weather but it wasn’t half nice to depart the place in sunshine and clear skies giving that it was still royally pissing down at home, relieved that we actually made it.

Such was our apprehension, I did next to nothing in way of an itinerary or even figure out how we were to get to the hotel from the airport. The podcasts I managed to download and listen to on board were less than inspiring, I’d even say worse than this!

A quick Google suggested the train at 10€ was the most value for money based on time/cost and it was fortunate our hotel was only a 5 minute walk from the central station, central by name but a good way out from the actual focal point of interest and tourism.

We stayed at the (again questionably named) Centrotel that had very good reviews while comparatively cheap. The welcome and service was excellent throughout our stay, the only minor qualm was the 7.5€ charge for breakfast that wasn’t little more than cereal and bread. Online reviews state the location of the hotel is in an awful location… comments surely written by some snobby posh type who couldn’t see past a bit of grafitti on unused buildings nearby and the multicultural aspect of the locals. Every night we walked through the streets and although they were busy we didn’t feel uncomfortable one iota. Stay to your Disneyland, Hun.

Given that it was early afternoon we didn’t settle for long before venturing out, negotiating the public transport systems and visiting the home of the first modern Olympic Games way back in 1896.

The Panathenaic Stadium also boasts to be the world’s only white marble stadium, but did seem second to the history and it’s amphitheatre-esque design. For just 5 euro entrance fee we enjoyed a tour in the sunshine and apart from the glorious first views of the city my favourite part was alone the athletes entrance (a dark cave) leading to a modern conference room displaying all summer and winter Olympic torches and posters since the modern games existed.

It was great to see the site still in action today albeit with a modern running track that didn’t affect the sense of historical significance.

Having skipped lunch we were ready for tea but nevertheless happy to walk through the park that housed the Zappeio Hall state house and the Temple of Zues. Although the temple was closed and dressed by scaffolding it was a good taste of what was to come.

Once we passed Hadrian’s Arch we thought we wouldn’t catch too much in search for food but around every corner laid ruins of sites, most dating around 500 years BC… Or 2,500 years old in my money!!

Wandering for a bite, the Roman Agora and Hadrian’s Library are well displayed in open spaces. We appreciated the fact we could enjoy the history looking through the railings rather than forced to pay entry the next day once open for a closer look around.

I have zero interest in feta cheese and still remain uneducated on Greek cuisine. On that basis it was unsurprising that we ended up in a kebab house! We did learn that a Greek kebab is actually a thing and throughout the week had one too many pork gyros’. Imagine chicken kebab bit with pork, something you’ll rarely see at home or in other countries with piggy being off the menu.

That mountain cost us about 20 quid with drinks smack bang in town. Plenty of room for an ice-cream before the metro home with a much needed sleep.

That metro journey will live long in the memory as being the first time I have been pickpocketed. Although my assets are (I assumed) well protected add an experienced thief and jam packed rail car and that was that. Thankfully the bandits only got away with about 15 euro and a fiver sterling but still the feeling of absolute helplessness hurt.

Day two.

A miserable end of the night made sleep a bit difficult as I researched endless websites giving tips on how to avoid pickpockets, nothing you or I shouldn’t already know but a valuable top-up for Rome in June. There were still positives to take in that my phone was still on person and I recently changed bank accounts to Monzo eliminating fees abroad, otherwise the little fuckers could have got away with millions! (probably hundreds)…

After the previous evenings loss of assets and resulting lack of sleep I was pleased that our plans today didn’t circulate around public transport.

We bought tickets for the CitySightseeing bus that navigated 15 top sights in Athens. I always mention the tourist buses as being a bone of contention for the traveling purist, but would state that this one was a really good investment (max £18 each) and had a pickup point a five minute walk from the hotel. Today was the only day we had breakfast at the hotel. For €15 it was overpriced, even after I discovered the bacon. With a fridge in the room we stocked up on ham, bread, butter and juice for the remaining 3 mornings costing less than €2 per day. Sensible.

With the sun making an appearance whilst on the top deck, it was a happy moment. A time to be thankful that the storms back home didn’t involve us and allowed us to travel here. I think I was over the pickpockets last night.

The cash we had to take out, where could we hide it? The answer was in between a pack a travel tissues. At the bottom of the rucksack. Never had a worry for the rest of the trip. Genius Christopher.

Back on the bus, the audio commentary provided some interesting facts as we headed to the centre of Athens we vaguely touched the evening prior, with some things added to the list should we have time for the rest of the trip (we did). Looked like a quality #buswanker if I say so myself!

Ever so slightly outside of the narrow central Street was our drop off at the number 1 stop for the tour. The Acropolis.

Acropolis is actually the name for the area we were at. The thing you’ll see on the brochure photos is the Parthenonas, the aim for our uphill climb, buying our tickets en route… About a fiver each if I remember. The climb was a bit FML at the start but was well broken up by a view overlooking the amphitheatre and plenty of photo opportunities. I learnt later there are alternative routes starting closer to town.

Once reaching the summit, the area was relatively flat. The main event was impressive but it was impossible not to notice the crane smack bang in the middle and scaffolding along one side.

This is a tough one. The area and a lot of Greek history dates back some 2,500 years, but during that time I reckon there has been A LOT of redecorating. So much so, looking at the structure did make me consider how much was what one would consider authentic.

Still, it’s the main tourist attraction, if I were Greece, I too would do any work needed to keep it there and count the millions in brings in tourism every year.

As the site was at a tip of a mount, it did of course offer wonderful panoramic views of the city and in the distance Piraes and the Aaronic Gulf body of water. I do not mean to bismirch the place as it really is a wonderful place to visit.

We rambled back down toward the bus pickup and made our way to the main Syntagma square outside parliament. This where the majority of protests take place (there’s been a few in recent years…) but today was was a quiet day.

A very weird thing about the royal palace / parliament building would take ones interest when visiting, with the only similarity being the changing of the guard outside Buckingham Palace…

There’s a monument between the square and political centre named “The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier”.

Whilst I haven’t done much in the way of research apart from it’s a dedication to those who lost their lives during wars, those whom unidentified, I can tell you that this tomb is guarded 24 hours a day by officers of the Presidential Guard who swap shifts every hour, on the hour. SMACK BANG ON THE HOUR. It definitely wasn’t 2:07pm when we were there…

Whilst some of their marching/stepping/security may seem humerous to some, it was a fascinating bit of culture. We luckily timed it so only had to wait for 5 minutes until I steady handidly recorded all 7 minutes of the process. I did this to inspire me to kick off our very own #hownot2life YouTube channel but not quite feeling it three weeks later.

Food, hotel for a quick rest and on to something else that had been on agenda having first seen it from the aforementioned Olympic Stadium on day 1.

Form the numerous sights we had seen so far, it was impossible not the recognise the little building on top of a hill pointing out unusually from the otherwise flat earth. This point was called Lycabettus Hill. Imagine the sunset from there?! The agenda, it was on.

Upsettingly shortening our rest time in the hotel, we set out at 5.15 knowing sunset in February, even in Greece, was close to 6. Time to put our trust in Google maps and the pick pocket plagues of public transport. Throughout our trip Google told me that their transport schedules were not up to date. Ignoring these was at the time a humongous ballache. The bus went a completely different direction! After a aimless walk and skipping a few buses that drove past, I caved in and spent a whole fiver to take us to the base of the hill where we understood a funicular would take us the rest of the way.

Thank God (citation needed) we got a taxi. The funicular station was almost half way up the bloody hill. A steep incline that would’ve taken 20 minutes had we departed at the nearest bus stop or metro. 7 euro each was a bit OTT we thought but as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon we were very limited for time.

I hate scaffolding. Everywhere we go it seems to ruin photos of nice things. We are always wrong place, wrong time. However, on this occasion we timed it perfectly. As we climbed to the viewpoint we were spoiled with the last few minutes of the Athens colourful sky… Colour I can’t recall seeing previously. It was busy at this point and I had to use my muscle (lol I wish) to get some good snaps, before the agony of deciding which Instagram filter was best. Ultimately I think no filter was required.

We skipped our return down the lift and decided instead to walk the meandering path. Very reminiscent of the liberty statue in Budapest if you’ve been. Dark. Mobile phone torch. Hope you enter civilisation soon. Every turn a wonderful view of Athens at night.

That walk was fun but took longer than anticipated to reach the metro station. Biting the bullet we caught two of them without losing any valuables! I was so delighted about this.

We did stop off for another sit down kebab before the hotel. But fuck it I’m on holiday…

Day three.

If you’ve made it through the first two days’ posts this should be plain sailing from here.

We understood yesterday that there was a public transport strike today. Luckily the CitySightseeing bus offered a ‘get an extra day free’ offer that we made the most of.

We did consider a boat trip to one of the countless islands for today but as this wasn’t an option decided to calmly see some things we otherwise would have skipped. We caught the bus and revisited half the stops from yesterday, getting off by the market area, somewhere that seemed fascinating the day before.

What seemed interesting soon turned into something of horror. The meat and fish market had literally a hundred or so stalls, actively turning an animal into a carcass. The raw turkey heads selling for 3 euro made the whole experience worse.

You won’t mind that I skipped taking a few snaps. Instead choosing to exiting the indoor market ASAP, we entered in to fresh air and crossed the road to the outdoor market where stall holders where selling a wonderfully vibrant array of fruit and veg, with the odd bordering shop front offering something unique if not bizarre.

We had an option from here, wait for the undoubtedly busier bus for 4 stops or walk 20 minutes to the Acropolis museum. Thankfully we walked amongst endless souvenir shops, small cafes and ruins until got to the museum.

The museum was half price being off-peak and although the experience was a little disappointing it was worth a visit for €6. An impressive building which started with a look at some of the more intricate pieces of 2500 year old art, quite spectacular. Note I was told I wasn’t allowed to take photo’s in this area ‘due to accidents’ but as I already took a few it would be a shame to waste.

We climbed the floors and seen more ancient pieces. I kinda liked how the museum moulded missing parts to give you the complete picture but as did the Parthenonas, it did take away from the originality – what is one to do?

Going to the museum was a little underwhelming as there was so much to see by simply walking the streets. One simply must see exhibit though was the LEGO build of the Acropolis. Not sure of the need to include Gandalf from Lord of the Rings or Indiana Jones but it brought a smile to our faces.

It walk only a short walk from the museum along the non-seafront promenade to our bus pick up that would take us on a tour of Pireaus.

Pireaus, I can tell you is one of the busiest in Europe, but thankfully the city isn’t swallowed by shipping containers. We passed the Greek football team Olympiakos stadium and a couple of stadia in use from Athens 2004 Olympics.

Once we passed the shipyard the ride took us along the peaceful coastline frequented by marina’s with yachts docked way more than my kidney is valued at.

For the peasants amongst us the areas also gave opportunity for a long distance view of Athens some 10km away.

We considered stopping off at Pireaus but thought a drive through was adequate.

Once we had made our way back in to Athens it was decided that we had little opportunity to re-enter the city with no public transport that evening, and instead opting for a meal nearby our hotel in the ‘really rough’ area for a splendid evening of Greek food, albeit still very much kebab based!

Day four.

We usually like to get out of the city for a day or so when we go away. The public transport was running normally on our penultimate morning so did consider visiting a number of islands or Olympia, where the Olympic torch still gets lit for the first time on its journey across the world. However, after some deliberation we chose to visit Corinth – or more specifically the Corinth Canal.

The canal is quite a way from the centre and so was the train station. The train took about an hour from Athens central, a hot but pleasant ride. The train tickets should have been free as it was within the limits of our 3 day travel pass, but we only knew this on the return journey €28 lighter!

We had the option to walk in to town (which wasn’t in view) or get a taxi to the point of interest, choosing the latter.

Corinthian Canal was dug out in the late 1800’s to get ships from the Soronic to the Aegean sea and vice versa saving a 700km detour… and we think the Severn Bridge is useful!

Way up high where we were on the pedestrian walkway and road nearly 50 metres up, it was/is an incredible feat to see the amount of ground moved to enable this essential passage – I don’t think they had JCB’s in the 1890’s! The cliffs stand at an 80 degree angle so it perhaps seems a lot further down than it is.

Right place, right time meant that we were able to see a tugboat lead a cargo ship through the passageway. I believe this is a rare occasion now as most modern ships are too wide to fit in the 8 metre gap. Its main role today is a tourist attraction, allowing bungee jumping in the warmer months – I wonder if I would have had a go…

The canal was quite cool but won’t win any wonder of the world awards. We had little option but to taxi back to the train station and return to Athens. An expensive way to spend 3 hours but it has filled a few paragraphs!

On returning to Athens we enjoyed another burger from the local chain “Goody’s” that I may have mentioned a few days ago – decent stuff and headed to the National Archaeological Museum not far from our hotel.

The museum had countless remains of buildings, artefacts and statues, all over 2500 years old. I would advise you to visit here a bit earlier in your trip as by now – day 4 – we had seen SO MUCH stone and I felt quite guilty I didn’t give it the time or attention it undoubtedly deserves.

Later than night my beloved Newport County were on TV funnily enough – so we decided to head back to the hotel for a few hours and leave early for tea. In hindsight I wouldn’t have minded popping back to the Panathenaic stadium to replace my pickpocketed souvenir coin, but ultimately the photos were good enough.

Overcoming my demons from said pickpocketing on Day 1, we rose from the metro at Monastiraki and wondered around the busy but peaceful small streets hunting for a Greek restaurant we should have visited on our first night. A little but of confident guesswork resulted in us finding our destination, enjoying multiple plates of ‘proper’, hearty food. Restaurant Scholario was so good in fact, I’ve just spend 20 minutes on Google Maps street view trying to recall the name!

Belly’s full we wandered back through the streets, passing the Roman Agora and at least 3 or 4 other bits of archaeology. By kick-off of Newport v Salford (with a trip to Wembley at stake) I was feet up on the balcony – the downside being that I consumed about 30 nervous ciggies and we lost on Penalties! Feels strange worrying about it now, as the final never took place – no Europeans we encountered took any notice to “Covid 19” at that point…

Day five.

Our last day and finally some shit weather! The rain cancelled my half-arsed plan to visit a nearby by park with more views of the city, so we checked out, headed to the airport and went home… and by home I meant the pub for quiz night!

It has been a while since returning home so I can’t recall any top tips – but keep an eye out for those pesky pocket bandits! Most places take card… any cash we did take was hidden in a pack of tissues, something I will be routinely doing going forward.

I’ve written day 4 and 5 during mid-May Week 7 (I think!) of lockdown here in Wales. I’m lucky that I haven’t lost out too much financially with trips to Amsterdam and Rome off the cards and serious doubts over Helsinki, Dublin and Sofia in the Autumn. It could be a lot worse though. For now we’re happy to stay home, and stay safe.

Thanks for reading! Chris

To see in the new decade, we wanted a shorter and hopefully less stressful holiday over the new year period. The previous four festive breaks had seen us visit New York, Toronto, Hong Kong and Jordan, so in comparison the small Mediterranean islands of Malta seemed like just the thing this year.

Malta is one of the 28 European Union members and is located between Tunisia and Italy. It has a regular population of under half a million, although I noticed a sign in the airport that they have welcomed 7 million passengers in 2019.

Our flight and four-night hotel package from Expedia cost £460 using EasyJet from Gatwick and the flight took around three hours.

I’ll get the hotel out of the way first… we stayed in the Bella Vista Hotel based in Bugibba. This was listed as a four-star hotel based a good 40 minute bus ride from the capital Valletta, but in the middle of an area popular with British holiday makers.

After a long day travelling from South Wales, we were told that although we booked our trip eight months prior, the hotel was fully booked and we would have to spend our first night in the three-star Topaz hotel (a fifteen-minute walk away). Without anyone in a position to deal with our complaint (apparently the manager is strictly Monday to Friday, 9-5), we made our way to our substitute hotel and fortunately, they looked after us well. We started to forgive the hotel over the next few nights, although once our door card stopped working on our final night – and having to sleep through a continuous beep from the card reader we were not very impressed. With the blog I seldom have time to leave reviews but may make an exception in this case!

Day One

Now we can exclude our bother with the hotel I can focus on the trip itself.

My first thought on leaving the airport was that it was very… beige… beige and blue if by the coast. Nearly all of the building landscape in Malta is constructed from limestone, which presents a not necessarily boring – but rather plain – outlook.

Once we managed to sort our hotel, we had a walk around our base in Bugibba to find lunch. It didn’t take long to notice that Bugibba was a popular tourist spot with the British, albeit more relaxed and less extravagant than the likes of Benidorm. We tried to look for some Maltese cuisine near the main square but ultimately chose “Fat Harry’s” British pub which was showing the early Premier League offering on the TV. The full English breakfast wasn’t quite what one would consider Maltese, even though the country was a British colony up to 1974.

Bugibba itself didn’t offer anything to us worth writing about. It does house the national Aquarium if that’s your thing.

Not feeling our usual adventurous selves given the long day, we returned back to the hotel to weigh up our options for tomorrow and hopefully find somewhere we could catch the bus to in the evening.

After entering several recommended places in to Google Maps we decided to visit a place on the west of the island called Golden Bay. The buses in Malta are very well organised, frequent and cheap. A two hour journey can get you pretty much anywhere on the island and will cost €1.50 before 10pm.

Arriving at Golden Bay in the dark at 8pm told us that if we wanted to get the most out of seeing the sights we would really need to squeeze them in to limited hours of sunlight. Although the bay houses a couple of premium hotels and would no doubt be packed in the summer daytime, we were the only people outside. A walk down to the beach was solely done for a quick photo and to not make it a wasted journey. A long 40-minute wait for the next bus back to Bugibba dropped us off at a small restaurant five minutes from our hotel so we had dinner there and headed back.

We’d have some work to do to get the most out of this trip, having to negotiate public transport and getting things done before 5pm.

Day Two

A welcome early night saw us up and ready for breakfast on Sunday morning. The offerings of an English breakfast trumped what many hotels would offer back home, to the delight of I guess 90% of the hotel guests. It was very Butlins abroad. Borderline The Only Way is Essex plus 30 years, but it was fine.

Now I understand that hop-on hop-off sightseeing tours are not favoured – possibly despised – by the purist of travellers, but with buses being the only method of public transport on the island I did think it was a credible option. We caught the bus from our hotel in to Sliema, one of the busier areas on the island. I say areas, Malta may call Sliema a city but compared to the size of UK dwellings it wasn’t much bigger than a village.

The sightseeing bus offered two routes; one covering the east of the island and one for everywhere else. Once we were successfully targeted by many of the touts by the buses we were hurried on to the bus straight away, not realising that we would have preferred to visit the east of the island. Nevertheless, we settled down on the open top deck as it meandered through small streets, village to village separated by rocky countryside. And the national football stadium. In the middle of nowhere!

We passed Mosta based smack-bang in the middle of the island with its impressive Church, or ‘Rotunda’. I thought the tour mentioned that this was the third largest church in Europe but cannot find anything to back this up – although at one point it did have the third largest unsupported dome in the world so perhaps I heard wrong. It was interesting to hear that in World War 2 a bomb was dropped on the Church during mass but failed to explode. Years later the pilot who dropped said bomb visited Malta for forgiveness, and was remarkably welcomed with open arms by residents.

Another mildly interesting thing about Mosta… its central location was deliberate. The idea was that the villagers could be as far away from the coast – and pirates – as possible, with the streets designed in a way so should unwanted visitors attack they could find their escape through a labyrinth of side streets. How the double decker bus got around some corners defies all science.

Shortly after Mosta we climbed uphill to another popular village called Mdina, a fortified city of just 300 people based in the suburb of Rabat which has a gargantuan population of… 11,000. We decided to ‘hop-off’ the bus here and walk through the gated entrance. I found the fortress really fascinating even though we only skimmed over the history and its offerings.

We headed to the popular viewpoint towards the north of the city that offered probably the best view of the main island.

Bar the Golden Bay that we visited yesterday and our base Bugibba, we had little interest in the remainder of the route. For this reason we decided to board the local buses to the Marsaxlokk fishing village renowned for it’s Sunday market. With such planning using Google Maps we thought we would get there in plenty of time, but could not envisage that once a bus is full, the drivers do not stop and give no indication – just ride past probably with a massive grin on their mugs. Two buses went by whilst we were waiting in the middle of the countryside before we gave up and found any route back to the hotel. I do not like not doing things that I planned and wanted to do!

After finally checking in to our correct hotel, we had a brief siesta and considered the limited options of what to do in the dark evening. We decided on Sliema, the same place where we boarded the sightseeing bus earlier that day, having a short but pleasant walk through the town centre and along the bay before having more traditional cuisine of a Thai-orientated noodle box. An enjoyable dinner but not usually something to write home about.

A lonely stroll back through town to catch our bus back was made just that little bit extra poignant as we spent ten minutes blissfully watching the waves forcefully smash against the sea walls.

Day Three

We actually had a plan for today. Malta is generally considered one island but the Republic is actually made up of three: Malta, Gozo and Comino. We caught an early ferry over to the island of Gozo in good time and again chose to board the sightseeing bus for around €15.

The tour managed to provide sufficient interest but I’ll pick out the top three stops bring the capital of Gozo (Victoria), the Azure Window and what we were told was Malta’s best beach in Ramla Bay.

The Azure window is a natural arch along the limestone cliffs to the west of Gozo. Spolier alert – it doesn’t actually exist anymore. Looking at it now, it’s difficult to see how it existed in the first place as all parts of the arch are now unseen underwater.

The arch crumbled in 2017 and as such doesn’t offer anything special, although still a popular tourist destination. The arch was location for a scene with Danaerys and Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones season one and the rough rocky platform you can scale did provide an uncommon sight – not too dissimilar to Giants Causeway we visited two months before. If you’re in to your GoT stuff be sure to check our Northern Ireland posts from November 2019!

I was aware that the arch wasn’t going to be there to avoid unexpected disappointment, so 45 minutes between bus pickups was enough to take a few pictures of the coast and fascinating Inland Sea, providing the only boat route here in to the sea via a narrow cave in the cliffs.

Our second ‘hop-off’ was at the central capital of Victoria. Agqin a miniscule area, but one that was dominated by a Citadel providing a plethora of Maltese history and panoramic views across the whole of Gozo with the main island in sight. As regular readers will know, I am very lazy when it comes to museums, churches and history in general (Google it if you’re that interested!) and will happily bypass that to climb a few stairs for a good view – and a bloody good view it was!

Lunch was perfectly timed to catch a bus to our third and final stop off point from the 12 stops the tour offered. Ramla Bay was often noted as the best beach located on the worlds 10th smallest country. December 30th was obviously not the best time to visit, it was cold, empty and about to hammer with rain any minute.

We didn’t have extraordinary expectations of a winter beach, but this will be remembered for the first time I have seen with my own eyes the impact plastic has on the planet. We walked hundreds of yards along the beach that was plagued with countless items of plastic ranging from bottle tops, lighters, net remains, lighters… all washed up by the beautifully blue Mediterranean Sea. No doubt this is all cleaned up before the summer influx of holidaymakers but it was a sorry sight to see. Although I can do a lot better with by consumption of plastic, you’ll never hear me moan about a McDonalds paper straw.

Not being able to go to the market yesterday was a bit annoying as things generally fall in to place. A year ago we were in Jordan with no itinerary and we managed to see more than we could have ever imagined. Fast forward a year and I’d find myself unable to do what I planned to do twice in two days! If you look high up to the cliffs surrounding Ramla Bay you can find a gaping hole in the rock called Tal-Mixta Cave. I wasn’t aware of this until checking a few independent blogs one night but as soon as I saw it was “I’m going to do that”.

It was starting to get dark, rainclouds were circulating and it was hard to estimate how long the trek up the cliff race would take… 20 minutes, 90 minutes, who knows. We would have to be there and back within 70 minutes to catch the last bus back to the ferry port so it was just a little out of reach. I have stolen this photo though to hopefully explain my disappointment.

The heavens did indeed open when waiting for the bus back. 40 tourists crammed in to the lower deck of the bus. Nobody cared that the driver skipped the final two or three locations on the route, instead delivering us to the Mgarr ferry port to return to the main island.

As the ferry was at full capacity we were forced on to the open deck in search of a dry chair for the 45 minute rode, then spent twenty minutes waiting for a bus back to our hotel (another hour away) and finished with an uninspiring dinner in the hotel. It may not sound like it but overall we had a pleasant day – Malta isn’t a winter destination.

Day Four

Knowing we were finally going to visit Valletta for the new year fireworks, on our fourth day we were at a slight loss how to spend the day, bearing in mind my tendonitis had been getting increasingly worse since Christmas Day exactly a full week ago.

There were numerous places such as Mosta, Sliema and Rabat that we had briefly visited but could have seen a lot more of, but another few hours round trip didn’t seem the best use of our limitied time left on the island.

After some contemplation we thought going to Valletta in the daytime wouldn’t be the worst idea as certain sights would surely be closed when we revisited later on in the evening. And as good as my phone is, it’s not a bloody owl…

It wasn’t a bad idea. Although hobbling and walking very slowly, it wasn’t far to walk through the festive big wheel, carousel and picture opportunities and in to the City gate leading to a wander around town – the smallest in Europe.

The co-cathedral looks great from photos but the queues put us off so we walked to the sea edge (tablets had kicked in) to the Siege bell tower, erected to commemorate those who fought in World War Two.

Right, it was the last day, and I was stalled in my attempts to visit the market town and that walk up to the cave. One remaining attraction was left on my list, the “Blue Grotto” located on the south coast. We’ll give that a go.

30 minutes by car or 75 minutes by bus meant another slow commute to another very quite tourist spot. We departed the bus and seen the cliff named the Blue Grotto – very pleasant on the eye with endless blue sea in the background – but a bit too long to wait for the next bus, in the summer you could imagine a boat excursion and the few cafes to be bustling. Anyhow, not to our disappointment, the ad-hoc transport took us along the south coast, back to Mdina and home to Bugibba. Time for a rest and possibly a couple too many Zapain tablets.

New Years Eve was upon us after a brief nap. We left the hotel around 8pm to get ourselves some food in Valetta, standing up for 40 minutes on the bus took it’s tole and once again my limb gave me grief.

To waste time we thought we would spend as long as possible having tea, but the only place where we were able to squeeze ourselves in was the Burger King. I spent 105 minutes in Burger King on New Years Eve, and for reasons like this I’ll never make it as a travel blogger!

We ended up waiting around 45 minutes for the reasonable firework display at midnight to mark our 11 year anniversary. She’s a lucky girl I know. Without time for too much sentiment we hurried to the best stop to catch a special service taking us back to the hotel, after what seemed like lapping the island at least 42 times!

Day Five

Our last day was as uneventful as we hoped for. Breakfast, bus from hotel to airport, and home via the flight to Gatwick, train to Bristol, rail replacement coach to Newport and taxi. I’ll chuck you a few tips though.

Malta #HowNot2Life tips.

1. Don’t go in winter. Although the weather was nice enough, it still gets dark at 5pm and it’s not the place to discover at night.

2. Give yourself plenty of time from A to B. The only method of public transport is the bus, which is frequent and cheap, but slow.

3. Stay near Valletta. There are many interesting places but the capital does have the most to offer. Importantly, it does also seem the transport hub, making tip number 2 that little easier.

4. Take your time to appreciate the culture and history. Usually, I think I can get away with skipping these but on this occasion think it would have added a lot more to our trip!

5. It’s a great place for a Wales away game!

Thanks for reading and happy new decade. Regular viewers will be aware I still have to finish our trip to Ireland in November and shamefully our wonderful trip to Jordan this time last year. I’m on it I promise!

It was a pleasure to be invited to our friends wedding in County Slane, Ireland. Booking the trip endured a bit of guesswork as the location was in the middle of nowhere, and Ireland doesn’t make use of postcodes, making the trip itinerary that little more intricate.We did initially intend of going to Venice for our week off prior to that Saturday celebration but a mix of luggage, spiralling costs and a little bit of brexit uncertainty resulted in a really satisfying trip to Northern Ireland and Dublin.

Day One – Belfast

I was fortunate to visit Belfast in 2013 for a stag do so was able to be a poor quality tour guide to Mikayla. Our 8am flight from Bristol took just 50 minutes to arrive in Dublin, and a two hour coach meant we checked in to our hotel just past midday.

This allowed us to have a wander around the city, stopping at Victoria Square shopping centre and the rooftop dome giving panoramic views of the city and famous shipyards, the centrepiece being two huge cranes called Samson and Goliath.Whilst our pursuit for lunch was futile, we did end up walking past the Albert Memorial clock tower and McHughs bar where I consumed a significant amount of alcohol six years prior. The clock tower interestingly slopes 4 feet off perpendicular due to the nearby river upsetting it’s foundations.

You really have to look twice to question the uprightness of the structure and I soon gave up taking a photo that didn’t look equally as puzzling.We were heading to Titanic Belfast, at the scene where the famous doomed ship was built and now the set for its own museum.

The thing I love about Belfast is the amount of small bits of interest around every corner. Within our first hour we had come across the City Hall, Beacon of Hope sculpture, the “Big Fish” that gives you wisdom if you kiss it (I didn’t, sigh), the home of the ice hockey Belfast Giant’s (my local Cardiff Devils nemesis) and the now-defunct set of the King’s Landing gate from Game of Thrones tucked away near the expansive docks area.

This Belfast part of the blog post will feature Game of Thrones (GoT) a lot so please bear with me if you have yet to take interest in one of the most popular TV series of all time.

Anyway, we eventually arrived at the Titanic museum and paid our £19 entry fee. Our unguided tour was spent roughly 80% learning how the unsinkable ship was built by Harland and Wolff, 10% focusing on the posh interior, class of passengers and sailing route, and finally around 10% of the ships demise.

The tour was actually rather disappointing – I’m sure it was more interesting the first time around. It didn’t help half way through; my realisation that there’s a museum built to honour a sunken boat!

The windy walk back in to town was thankfully interrupted by some relatively newer reasons why Belfast is on the map, in the shape of six standalone stained glass windows depicting many scenes from Game of Thrones. We followed the trail and as you can see from the photo below they are wonderful! I didn’t have chance to master camera angles but you can find our more by searching for #glassofthrones or chucking “Glass of Thrones” in to your preferred search engine.

Once we had snapped the sixth and final frame back at city hall, we weren’t far from the hotel so had dinner and a deserved early night.

Day Two – Game of Thrones Tour

The top thing that is likely to be on anyone’s list when visiting Northern Ireland will be to visit Giant’s Causeway, in my eyes one of the natural (i.e. not made by man) wonders of the world.

As the attraction is a good few hours away from the City we initially intended to look at local transport but thought I would have a gander at a Game of Thrones themed trip, just out of interest as neither the Causeway or the Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge features in the series. For my previous trip we had enough to hire a taxi along the coast but this was just as the unknown Targaryn’s and Lannister’s and the gang set foot in NI. I came across the Irish Tour Tickets website and once I seen the very reasonable cost of €39 per person and that included the two sights listed above, it was too good an opportunity to pass up.

I was apprehensive as to how good the GoT element of the trip would be, but within minutes of boarding the comfortable coach and having a good craic with the tour guide and driver I could tell it the decision was a good one.

Game of Thrones is worth £30 million per year to the NI economy and it would good to know our custom was contributing to this.

Throughout the trip we were entertained by clips and interviews with the cast, fun facts about the show and lesser known sights of the country… the tour guide himself had a few cameos in a number of episodes.

Our first stop after passing Carrickfergus Castle and a very small impose of Castle Black, was a small coastal village of Carnlough. A sleepy town you would quickly drive past if not in the know, for a few weeks during Season 6 filming a small set of steps took centre stage. During one episode, Arya Stark got stabbed by the Waif and even though the bridge she jumped off to escape was in Spain, she rose to shore in Carnlough! There was a poster in the local Spar shop showing more of the filming… quite incredible the amount of work that went in to a scene that lasted a minute or two!

A short ride along the coast followed for our next stop at Cushenden. Stopping off at a narrow layby there didn’t seem to be any caves in sight, but after a small walk around the corner of the coast we were heading in to a cave that was the setting for Melissandre giving birth to the shadow assassin, and around another corner of the same cave the scene where Jamie Lannister killed off Euron Greyjoy.

The latter did feel like you were actually part of the set, albeit with fellow tourists taking selfies where a character was last seen spread over a rock bleeding to death!

So far so good. It is important to note that we hardly expected to have a wander through Winterfell or Kings Landing… as you can imagine most of the inside filming was shot in a warehouse (interestingly next door to the Titanic Museum back in Belfast), and other outside locations for the programme include Croatia, Spain, Malta, Morocco and Iceland!

A further drive through the narrow roads flirting with the coast resulted in us arriving at the Causeway Visitor Centre around midday. I should mention that our €39 ticket also included queue-skipping entrance to the two chargeable attractions that would have otherwise cost us a total of €21.

From the visitor centre to the 40,000 hexagonal stones is a bit of a trek so the free audio guide was a welcome addition, giving encouragement to the myth that it was created by a giant called Finn Macool, but sadly it is more likely that a volcanic reaction forced tectonic plates to break and sprout up lava. Still, no idea about the hexagon shape… something I really should have found out before writing!

Somewhat of a dangerous playground, the scene it perfect for a numerous photos and the safety staff are hands off should you wish to climb the structures in any direction you feel fit.

Stop number four was lunch in the Fullerton Arms in Ballintoy, between the Causeway and the next stop Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge. Lunch was discounted to trip members and for under a tenner I enjoyed a hearty Steak and Guinness pie and chips. The pub also had a Game of Thrones themed room where you could dress up and sit on their own Iron Throne. A good fun way to spend lunch and an opportunity to have a chat with other tourists who travelled as far as China and South Africa.

I should also note the pub had one of ten Game of Thrones doors produced and donated by the producers, I’ll cover these a bit later.

Appetite satisfied we made our way to stop five and what is likely to be the second main sight to see in the country outside of Belfast. The Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge was first installed some 350 years ago so that fishermen could hop on to the island and be at an ideal spot for salmon fishing. Thankfully it has been renewed and updated a few times since then considering it allows up to half a million people to cross every year.

What they don’t tell you on the advertisement is that the bridge is over a kilometre walk from the car park featuring a number of declines and hills. This is not something that should ever put you off however, as the views along the coast are stunning.

Sadly my attempt to take decent photos of the bridge didn’t come to fruition, and it didn’t help a bloke a few places in front of me got an absolute bollocking from the staff for not holding on the the railings with both hands. The Carrickarede island is nothing special, some manmade steps leading to a grassy mount. At this point I remembered a photo that I took during my first visit in 2013 and trying to recreate it fell straight on my arse to the delight of Mikayla and probably a few others.

I miss those pink Vans so much. Anyway. The long, slow walk back was aided by the sun setting and as we headed to our final destination, the Dark Hedges, I was slightly concerned whether we would be able to see it in daylight, although hoping the dusk setting would in fact provide the perfect ambience.

The Hedges is still a public road but due to the narrowness and popularity coaches had to park in the nearby hotel, another establishment that has benefited from the show. After a small walk the hedges were a tad underwhelming, perhaps due to the number of other people around but it provided a calm end to the tour. A final chance of a toilet stop inside the hotel, we were greeted by another opportunity to have a photo with an Iron Throne, and to walk through the second door, the first I mentioned earlier.

The doors have a significant meaning. When a storm hit the Dark Hedges during filming two of the trees were fell. Following this the production team decided to comission the “dead wood” in to ten carved themed doors that can be seen throughout Northern Ireland, each depicting an episode during season six of the show. These were then donated to local businesses to further encourage the local economy. Nice touch.

As darkness arrived it was time to make the 90 minute ride back to Belfast, during which the clevererer one of us (Kay FYI) won a GoT quiz much to our delight.

To conclude. It was such a nice day. I don’t often book something I think may just be ‘ok’, however when the decision turns out to be much better than expected is a real bonus. The tour host Peter and driver Tony made the trip that extra bit special and their ‘craic’ was priceless… I recommend it to everyone and will share this with the company as my own form of positive feedback.

Day Three – Belfast on to Dublin

So today was our trip back from Northern Ireland to The Republic.

We made the most of the daylight to jump on the sightseeing bus around Belfast. As the hotel was a stop half way around, we didn’t do things in the order that would be recommended. The bus driving through nationalist and republican areas would usually come after a few City centre sights but for us, bar a drive past the national football stadium it was our first port of call.

One could easily write a blog on the area with its countless murals, gardens and commemorations each side of the divide.

The divide being a big 20 foot wall, in which I think the gates are still closed every night to seperate those waving either the Irish green white and orange or the Union Jack.

This was the second time I’ve visited the area and I find it as strange today as I did 6 years ago, you wouldn’t believe it to be on the outskirts of a major city in the United Kingdom. Religion eh?

After the stretch viewed with wide eyes, we headed on to Stormont, the equivalent of what the Senedd is to Wales and Holyrood is to Scotland. At the time parliament had been suspended for 3 years due to policy disagreements between its power-sharing leadership and only sorted themselves out in January 2020. Just get on with each other FFS.

On a lighter note the trip then passed Campbell College. A very well regarded private institution but one that’s considerably cheaper than across the Irish sea. An interesting story from this… Wetherspoons Brexit obsessed owner Tim Martin studied here, once being told by a teacher that he’d never make anything of himself. That teacher, was indeed called…. Mr Wetherspoon.

Back towards the centre to visit the Titanic quarter with some additional Game of Thrones fandom, but most of which I’ve kinda covered unless you’re interested in when Queen Victoria once visited (I wasn’t). We departed the tour once back at the hotel.

After a quick lunch we made our way to our coach that would take us back to Dublin airport and then on to the city itself. The bus picked up near the Europa hotel (The most bombed hotel in the world during The Troubles”) and The Crown Liqueur Saloon. An old Victorian pub that’s undoubtedly the most famous in NI and owned by the National Trust! Always had them down as secret Alcoholics.

We arrived in Dublin, by the Spire to catch the last of daylight and made our way to our Ripley Court Hotel, absolute luxury compared to the ETAP box room in Belfast with a banging breakfast to boot.

We were in Dublin for less than 24 hours so went straight to the sights… Belfast Castle, Temple Bar, Trinity College, and of course the Forbidden Planet store.

I gave Kay an overview of the Castle (you can read about that from my blog in October 2018) much to her delight and walked passed the nightlife that Temple Bar offered and on to Ha’penny bridge.

A rather quick tickbox exercise but given that we had already had a hectic few days we were content in grabbing some fast food and an early night.

Day Four – Dublin on to Drogheda

Making most of the breakfast plus a quick snooze to help it go down, we didn’t leave the hotel until gone 10am, although one reason for this was to try and get resale tickets to Kilmainham Gaol later in the day, in which we were successful. As Mikayla entered Trinity College to have a gander at the Book of Kells, one of the world’s oldest books, I decided to hang around in Starbucks to catch Wales rugby get stuffed by New Zealand in the World Cup bronze match. You wouldn’t see that in the footy!

Once Kay reappeared we made our way to the aforementioned gaol (Irish for Jail) via a brief visit to the Irish Museum of Modern Art opposite and met up with a few pals who were also cramming in the sights (and no doubt Guinness). Sadly our ticket times differed but in our fortune had an icreble tour guide that offered so much passion in his job, if it was an act he should be on Broadway.

Kilmainham Goal is a closed jail renowned for its dreadful living conditions especially during Ireland’s famine and it’s role in Irish independence.

It housed many republicans who fought (and subsequently died) for the Ireland you know of today away from British rule.

The tour took us through the miniscule cells that housed more people than floorspace should allow, the area that the Brits used for their firing squad and where the used to commence public hangings, should anyone else get the idea that living in extreme poverty was wrong.

Without undoubtedly knowing the full story of those times, it wasn’t my proudest moment to be British, yet blessed I don’t think we’ll ever witness anything like it again, within Europe anyway.

That’s kind of it for Dublin. I had already done the Guinness tour but if you go please consider half a day roaming Phoenix Park.

We hurried back to the hotel to pick up our bags and catch a teatime transport to Drogheda, about an hour north of Dublin, or two hours using a public bus in rush hour. As we arrived in Drogheda the groom and I’s mutual friend, and my Wales football companion Peter picked us up to take us to our digs for the night in a place called Donore.

Waiting for us was a collection at Daly’s Inn, a sweet independent pub/hotel, was a bunch of friends who caught the ferry over from Newport that day and we enjoyed a good knees up, but too much food put me in a coma with little room left for cider late in to the night. I dare say the pint before said food in amongst the annual pheasant shooting presentation was enough to turn me vegetarian as I’m writing this in 2020!

Day Five – The Reason

Wedding Day. It’s not my place to commentate on my mates wedding day but what an incredible day it was. Having started on the beer at midday and ending up lobbing 45 euro to one-too-many rum and coke well after midnight, you can tell it was an absolute banger.

The bride and groom have okayed this picture so I can show how lush they are. And you haven’t yet met the groom’s Mum!

To see so many of my friends, so many of my mates (the groom’s) friends, in one place, in a foreign country was such an incredible occasion.

Day Six – Back Across the Irish Sea

Final day! I expected nothing less than to sleep in during breakfast prior to be dropped back in to Drogheda to catch a coach back to the airport. More tired than hungover, we meandered the airport and drove back home, just in time for a kip before work the next morning! Not much more to say to be honest!

Having been to Ireland 3 times in 3 years, and in no real rush to revisit Northern Ireland, it was so pleasing to have SUCH a good trip, with Mikayla accompanying me this time, and one that’ll live long in the memory. To Jack and Eimear! X

After a 2,600 mile, 10 day train trip to Frankfurt, Zagreb, Budapest and Vienna for my last international football following, a trip to a new country and back within 2.5 days was a welcome return to normality.

Wednesday: Newport, Gatwick, Vienna, Bratislava

Our outbound flight from Gatwick to Vienna plus a Flixbus coach for the short journey in to Slovakia came in under £40, although petrol, parking and a light lunch in Ascot increased the price a tad. I say lunch. It was an appalling attempt…

The coach took no longer than 50 minutes in to Bratislava from Vienna airport, offering a decent first look at the castle through the rainy windows, parking up a minute away from the hotel. Arriving at 22:30 meant that once we dropped our bags off in the hotel room the cuisine was limited to McDonald’s.

I was persuaded to have a beverage in the hotel bar before bed, a high end sisha bar trying to evidence the need to charge €15 for a Corona and a G&T. Not my sort of place, and certainly not with tracksuit bottoms and an Alice band wrapped around the barnet! How the other half live eh?

Thursday: Bratislava, match day in Trnava.

An early start to hit the breakfast buffet, which was ok… I’m still yet to tell the hotel how furious I was – still am – that they mixed kidney beans in with baked beans. Just why!? To this day I’ve yet to realise what purpose kidney beans have on this planet.

Swiftly moving on, we didn’t see any other Welsh fans for a good hour once we had walked the steep incline to the castle. Unsurprisingly the capital city’s number one tourist area, several viewpoints offered cascading views of Bratislava… the old town nearby and the ever growing newer part being continuously constructed further back. No doubt Austria was within the picture too.

We didn’t go in to the castle itself, Pete spent time talking to a few fans who had since appeared while I wandered around taking some photographs.

The stand out structure looking out was definately the Most SNP road bridge that leans accross the Danube. The bridge wouldn’t be too much to write home about if not for the strange UFO viewing platform at the top.

We fully intended to visit this after the castle, but we were more than satisfied with the castle views accross the City, thus we thought it would just be a duplication of where we were.

We walked back down the steep cobbled street, past the Cathedral and in to the old town. It was a shame the trek wasn’t a little longer as before we knew it we were exposed to a number of bars already filling up with red shirts. It would have been rude not to participate so we had a coffee and a beer (guess which one of us had a beer…) in a Georgian restaurant and watched countless worse for wear bucket-hatted supporters who weren’t quite ready to begin the days long session. It was nice to finally meet my new pal Chelle who has taken the jump and has become a decent #hownot2lifer. Chelle goes straight into number one place as my favourite female Cardiff fan… In fact she may be my only female Cardiff fan! Keep your enemies close I suppose…

From here it was another short walk to the main square, miniscule to its capital neighbours and probably smaller than Newport’s John Frost Square!

Nevertheless the impressive architecture and fountain offered a pleasant sight as we made our way to the Soviet monument and a walk back to the hotel along the Danube.

I quickly changed my plan of having an hours rest to try out a few local bars. I just about managed to walk accross the street before camoflaging myself with other reds and at €1.60 a pint, it was mandatory that I purchased two. This soon turned in to four once I met one of another new friend made from Instagram and the blog. I bumped in to Griff at a pre-season friendly between Undy and Newport having first met in Croatia; we simply carried on with conversation as though we were long-time pals. Cute.

As it happened, we both caught the Wonky Sheep-arranged buses to the ground in Trnava located around an hour from Bratislava. An uneventful journey bar the three trips to the loo and completely unecessary police escort.

I would love to tell you all about Trnava, but the truth is that I got off the bus and marched with purpose in to a little cabin that just passed as a “pub”. One does not usually have the opportunity to purchase 5 bottles of lager and a double vodka for under 5 quid, so you have to make the most when the opportunity presents itself!

Once Griff, Pete and I polished off our share of beverage, we walked all of 100 yards in to an Irish bar just around the corner from my entrance gate to the ground. The Irish bar was a really decent, multi level pub with rowdy Celts singing songs with still 4 hours to go before kickoff. The more expensive pints; at 2 euro a pop this time, did little to plug the flow of local lager, by the time I caught up with a few County lads before kick off I was adequetly hydrated.

The Trnava stadium is relatively new but you perhaps wouldn’t have noticed it – a very standard European ground that is 99 parts concrete to one part everything else!

The game was one of the better one’s I have watched this campaign, and how nice was it to take the lead in a very important game away from home! We thought being soaked by some beer in celebration was an ample price to pay. Five pints for 9 quid at half time wasn’t a disaster either. Just ask this guy:

The lead didn’t last for the whole game sadly and we had to settle for a one-all draw and rue the absolute sitter Harry Wilson fluffed in stoppage time. Still, I’ve watched a lot worse and even writing this after another draw with Croatia three days after today, hope still remains.

The coach trip back wasn’t as torturous as expected and we still had time to have a few more beers before the bar opposite the hotel shut for the night.

… Actually, I remembered having a few in the hotel too….

Friday – on to Vienna and home.

… Which is probably why I didn’t wake up to fresh on our last day, choosing to skip breakfast for an extra half hour in bed.

During my absence that morning Pete made the credible decision to catch the boat along the Danube to Vienna. Had I know it would be 5x the price and twice as long as the coach I may have abstained from agreement, but looking back that €30 would have just been spent down my local anyway!

The trip was accompanied by some infrequent commentary on what we could see from the river and, having not eaten since Wednesday night I was desperate for some quality Austrian cuisine.

So, after our McDonald’s, we were ready for our shortish day of tourism, luggage in hand.

We were fortunate to have a stop off in Vienna during out train travels to the Croatia and Hungary games, when we had a walk around the town, and even an amusement park. Today meant we could visit somewhere a little further afield and as Peter has visited the Austrian capital on a number of occasions I was more than happy to go along with the suggestion of Schönbrunn Palace… After a walk past the Cathedral obviously…

What was once the summer home of royalty gone by, today the palace is a tourist hotspot and should abolsultey be included in your plans if you are staying for a few days.

The palace offers a number of tours both inside it’s houses and the expansive gardens, but if you just want to look around “out the back” you can do so at no cost.

I certainly didn’t feel like trapsing through some posh house so we chose to walk around to the gardens, the highlight being a corridor of flowers leading up to an incredible fountain, a hill, pond and finally the Gloriette building where you could see suburban Vienna for miles.

I’m not one for gardens, palaces, churches or museums so take note how impressed I was with our visit here!

Somewhat tiring from the long walk back to the nearest tube station. We had more thing to cover before making our way to the airport.

The Naschmarkt market is not something that will be the highlight of the trip, but how often can you ramble through an outdoor market in the middle of town selling everything from lobster to cheese to baclava to tea?

Around half of the occupants are restaurants closely competing for business and I was starving once more. We were certainly not disappointed by our choice of Italian, indulging in Pizza, chips and even a salad (stop the press) to rule out airport fast food.

Seldom have I gone to a place, seen just two things and be content that I had made the most of the day. We found our way around the underground and – bar a small flight delay – it was “goodnight Vienna” and hello to the long drive home from Gatwick. All in the space of 60 hours!

Next stop… Dublin (again) and Belfast for a good friends wedding. We’re due to cross the NI/Eire border on Brexit day too. What can go wrong?

Thanks for reading,
Chris

After waiting for an age to visit Europe again after my last visit (six weeks ago) we headed off to Spain for the first time that wasn’t with family as a kid or to consume large amounts of Estrella.

We chose Valencia as Kay spent 6 weeks teaching at an English college there in 2017, and although she seen a few things there were plenty of new things to explore for us both.

Friday

Our 6:30am departure to the home of paella left on time from Bristol, even though there was an evacuation due to a fire alarm, and the worry of boarding a Ryanair flight with hand luggage anything over the size of a pencil case.

Valencia airport has a direct metro in to town that takes around half an hour, and we needed one further stop to arrive at Hotel Expo, located no more than 20 minutes walk in to the centre and plenty of shops, restaurants, bike hire and the main park seconds away. As we were a few hours early we strolled around the shopping centre selling pretty much anything one would need and had some lunch at a cafe between Burger King and McDonalds before being given our room card earlier than expected.

The hotel was a standard 3 star, but it gets the thumbs up for a rooftop swimming pool, BRILLIANT air conditioning and a value for money 10 euro breakfast buffet.

Once settled and cooled we headed out towards the City Centre, that was closer than anticipated when looking at the map. Our first stop was to the Central Market and the smell of fresh fish in 34 degree heat. Even so, we entered to a concoction of colour and bustling locals.

I never quite understand why a market has 20 stalls all selling the same things, but if it keeps them going then great. I lost count of the deli’s selling ham after 20 or so, and even got persuaded in to buying some chopped up fruit, as was the appeal of something fresh to combat the climate.

Unprepared for the glaring sunshine we hopped between shaded areas to reach the Cathedral. Regular #hownot2life’ers know I don’t usually have a major interest in churches of museums but the cathedral had a viewing tower the Torre de Micalet, something I simply have to benefit from, hot or not.

207 giant steps were made a little easier thanks to the family in front of us taking their time, and once we rose at the top (via a breather or two) we were greeted with a view that covered the majority of the city, only recognising a handful of tall buildings interrupting the terracotta landscape.

The first thing I looked for was the Mastella, home to Valencia football club. After a slight struggle I picked out the orange and black uncovered stands and added it to the list of places to visit before the weekend was done.

Back on the ground we wandered to the Plaza de la Virgen square, housing a statue of a naked geezer loving life even with quite a bit of birdshit over him.

Then we made our way to Lonja de Sela. Although not too appealing from the outside, this UNESCO site was well worth a 20 minute visit.

After buying your ticket you walk in to a courtyard full of blossoming orange trees and the building has several interesting rooms, I especially enjoyed the stain glass window that lit up the corridor towards the main room, a silk exchange back in the day.

We had now been out for a few hours and decided to walk back to the hotel before our evening plans.

Kay didnt really sell Valencia to me but one thing she did swear by was the all-you-can-eat chicken place, thankfully walkable distance from our hotel too.

Before a fiesta of food I was interested in seeing where Kay stayed for the 6 week sabbatical. A huge benefit of this was that we walked past the “New” Mestalla football ground.

I say new, building work originally started in 2003 but 16 years later if is still a concrete shell due to the club’s debt issues, a redesign offering hope, and then more financial difficulty.

Arriving at Kay’s apartment I was a bit unsure as to how I would survive spending six weeks there but really please I could finally picture where May spent the longest time away from each other in 10 years.

Enough of that cute crap, dinner time! Wearing flip-flops was taking its role and without Kay having an exact ETA we eventually arrived at the Chicken place, La Parilla. The only thing was, it was closed. fucking closed, Available to rent.

Urgently hoping to see if they relocated I noticed a TripAdvisor review as soon as a week ago, and nothing to say they were closing. But they were definitely closed – I even tried to bloody ring them looking at the shutters and for rent sign!

Flabbergasted and not far away from tears we got the metro the short way along the avenue and decided to have something around the hotel. The American Diner in comparison was a big disappointment and I didnt really appreciate paying 16 Euros for a mouthful of fatty beef. If I hadn’t seen such riches, I could live with being poor…

I was over it by the time we picked up some snacks and headed back to our room. A sunny Saturday in Spain, AND the start of the football season for the County!

Saturday

Contrary to my luxury spa dates in Hungary, the pool at the hotel didn’t open until ten, which ultimately meant I never made use of it during the whole weekend. Instead we feasted on the breakfast buffet and – amber replica shirt adorned – headed to the BioPark.

What is a BioPark? Well, it was sold to us as this kind of nature reserve that is a lot less cagey than a zoo. At a cost of €25 each the walk around started promising as we passed the flamingos and lemurs who were free to wander wherever they wanted, but as we followed the route my apprehension was validated as we got to see gorillas behind 10 inch thick glass, alligators in an area smaller than my back garden and a number of animals looking incredibly sad. I really didnt want to visit a zoo.

We spent the rest of the tour around discussing our thoughts… do the animals prefer not having to catch their food? Are the zebra better off not being ripped apart by a lion? Are the animals treated well? In fairness to the BioPark I had never been to a zoo that allowed as much space to the majority of the animals. I’m still scarred from an elephant “rescue centre” in 2015 Thailand that forced the need to throw darts and kick a football on the poor creatures.

As much as I hate to admit it the animals were really fascinating. Ultimately however, we felt mis-sold.

Grateful that we actually had an option to escape the zoo, we were ahead of schedule so headed back to the hotel to get her out stuff ready for the beach. Malvarrosa beach is quite a ride from the centre but we arrived around 3pm, allowing an hour in the sea before I tuned in to the County curtain raiser back home in Newport.

The heat of the sand was unbearable and we visited hut after hut hoping to offload some cash in exchange for a parasol. It was peak time so we gave up. I managed to have 25 minutes in the Mediterranean before turning in to the football and then disaster struck. I could only watch the football if connected to Spanish WiFi for rights purposes, not my UK transported mobile data. Fuck sake.

We packed up in two minutes and was fortunate to pick up a taxi within 60 seconds of reaching the main road. I had to listen to our first goal of the season with radio commentary but by the time Padraig Amond doubled our lead I was back in the hotel room. We ended up throwing this advantage away to draw 2-2. But better than the Cardiff result!

The evening that followed was a real quiet one. We popped to the supermarket to get some items for breakfast the next morning and had some food in a Turkish restaurant just outside the hotel. We would be hiring bikes the next day, I’m glad I have my arse a rest!

Sunday

We were up bright and early to hire bikes. I love a Sunday morning in Europe as it means I do not have a hangover. By 10am we handed over €24 for day use of two bikes and headed off in to Turia park.

The park, interestingly was the Turia river that used to flow through the city until 1986. Quite a major step to close off a whole bloody river but an answer to continuous flooding of the city.

Since then (a sign said that) Valencia/Spain has spent 636,000,000 euro converting the river in to a park. Weird and wonderful.

The park is 9.1km long and we simply had to do the full 18.2km lap. First heading west to the BioPark then all the way through the city to the east and the beautiful buildings that make up the Arts and Science park.

I dislike going anywhere twice, but would love another day roaming around Central Park in New York.

Having said that, I’m still trying to think of why Turia park doesn’t compete. Along the route there were a plethora or sporting and exercise opportunities, great facilities and playgrounds, a much better designated cycle route, even the fairground was in town over our weekend.

By the time we reached half way, the Arts and Science buildings, I’m sorry to say my arse was feeling the pain of the narrow saddle.

A perfect time to order my first ever meal via WhatsApp and just off from the park we collected takeaway paella and some chicken.

The paella was enjoyed (minus the snail) outside Gulliver’s playground. I know I’m 31 but proper regretting not having a gander at some of the slides on offer. From the air I’m sure you’d agree how cool the playground looks!

I won’t lie, the remaining 7 or so kilometres back to the hotel were stop-start and literally a pain in the arse. But we made it, rather proud and sacrificed the remaining 18 hours left on our rental deal.

After a brief siesta at the hotel, the evening started once we made the most of our metro cards to visit the home of Valencia football club, the famous Mestalla.

Mikayla wasn’t as impressed I must admit, but I was shocked how a 50,000 capacity stadium can take up so little space. Even though it’s regarded as the steepest in Europe, it still took no more than 5 minutes to walk around the external circumference. I had no interest in watching a game before the trip but left a tad gutted I never had the opportunity.

The one thing the cathedral tower didn’t offer, was a good view of the park. For this reason we headed to a standout Ferris wheel and at just €4 each jumped at the chance for a whirl and a photo. Sadly the panels offering a great view were covered in an orange tint so I’ve had to work some Photoshop magic as best as I can!

The bikes were really handy earlier in the day but you lost that ability just to stroll off path and take in the sights. We timed our revisit to the Arts and Science centre perfectly and although we had little interest of seeing what the insides offered, the sun setting to the west made for some brilliant photos. Just ask this smiling lady!

And then, perfectly timed, was the photo of the trip. No filter required.

Crossing the bridge to catch the bus for some late dinner before bed we enjoyed the sun set, and wondered what we would do for our last morning in Spain’s third city (I think?)

Monday

Aware that we had pretty much done everything we wanted to do before the remaining six hours until we’d have to leave for the airport, it was a bit of a hunt to see how we would make the most of our day.

On the way home last night we passed the main station next to the bullring so thought that would be a good place to start.

I couldn’t get a decent picture of the bullring but had anticipated Instagraming a derogitory post to anyone who thinks that bullfighting is a form of entertainment. Watching the County is rarely poetic but it’s a bit better watching some dicked throw spears in to a helpless animal.

From the main station we walked past City Hall and back to the Cathedral. My back, arse and armpit (of all things) were giving me some jip at this point but we still powered on through to walk towards one of two castle gates and back to the hotel through the park.

Weird how I was in so much pain but was more than happy to swing along chucking a story post on Instagram, huh?

Once we collected our bags it was time to leave for the airport. This was as uneventful as one could hope for and we got home just before 10am. Two days annual leave very well spent!

Trip information:

I think the cost of the flights and 3 star hotel cost £450 for three nights and spending was another €350. By sacking off the BioPark, the County emergency taxi and the shit American diner meal would have reduced that by €100.

The top thing to do would easily be to spend a day in the Turia park but the beach was as good as neighboring Benidorm and there was enough touritsy stuff to enjoy if you prefer a shorter weekend trip i.e. Friday to Sunday.Remember there is so much more to experience than we do!

Next up:

I’ve got a few days in Slovakia in October before brexit and we’re off to Ireland (northern and republic) DURING brexit. So that should be fun. Thanks Nigel, thanks Boris. Wankers.

Thanks for reading,
Chris x